In Remembrance of Sam
October 2, 2023
Last week, I dreamt of my parents. I haven’t seen them for a long time since their passing more than 30 years ago. They looked young and happy.
The next day, my brother Sam was admitted to hospital. Then came the sinking feeling in my heart that rendered me weak and sad... the same feeling when the Lord took my parents home many years ago. 😢
Although we have been expecting his slow demise for the past few years, it was still very painful. As I massaged Sam’s hands and feet and laid hands on his heart by the hospital bed, he smiled back at me, very alert, looking like he may just be able to get through this crisis once again.
It was then that I sensed the presence of my parents with us. They were smiling too. Like they are ready to welcome him home. Wordlessly, they expressed their heartfelt appreciation for me, for all the love and care for him in the last 30 years after they had passed on.
Sam, who was born deaf and mute, has been in and out of the hospital emergency room in all those years. Bedridden after multiple surgeries in his neck and back, he had survived a few strokes, but was also stricken with hypertension, arthritis, diabetes and many more ailments. At times it got so hard that I cried my heart out to God for more strength and more love to carry on. And usually when I am called to do something for the Lord or go on a mission trip, he is usually under attack, so many times near death that I have lost count.
I pleaded with the Lord once again.
My husband, trying to comfort me, suggested that perhaps it is better for my brother to return to the Lord than to live in suffering; bedridden, no longer able to feed himself or to get up to watch the telly, to read the papers or go for outings, which he enjoys.
Still, I prayed to take him home not for our convenience or sake or his, but only in the Father’s perfect timing and plan for him, only that it may be without pain, without fear.
“Jesus Loves Me”
At the hospital, my sister, Esther, shared with me that when she had written on a piece of paper, “Jesus loves you”, Sam gave her a beautiful smile.
Pointing to the centre of his left and right palm (signifying the nail that pierced the Lord’s hands), he lip-synched, “Jesus”. Next, with a heart shape using his hands, he lip-synched “love” and brought it to his chest, signifying “me” 💕
That really brought me a lot of joy. With his kidneys ravaged by severe diabetes, breathless from pneumonia, Sam can joyfully say that the Lord loves him.
That’s all I needed. He is going where love awaits him.
Until We Meet Again
Praying for him at home, I saw the pencil portrait I did of my father hung on my wall as I lifted my eyes. My father was smiling at me again. And suddenly, I felt the deep love of my Heavenly Father for me.
Yesterday, when the news came that Sam is breathing his last, I drove to the hospital worshipping God all the way. My hands were shaking. My mind was in a blur. I could not even park the car properly when I arrived, losing my way in the car park where I have driven countless times.
By the time I reached his bedside, he had already gone with the Lord.
Today, by his hearse where he lay, he looks so beautiful and alive, in complete peace. I thank God that he is dancing now in heaven. Ya, he was a very good dancer even though he cannot hear, when I took him to parties with me as a teenager. I can almost hear him squeal with delight as he hears every wonderful sound and every word from the mouth of the Lord and from our parents and two sisters who love him dearly.
For this precious brother I give thanks. Through him, I learned how to pray prayers that shake heavens and earth, how to cry out in desperation to our Father when all hope is lost. And to taste and to practise what is the unconditional love of God.
All glory be to God.
As for Sam, my little brother, it has been an honour and a joy.
Thank you.
Until we meet again ❤️
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